The Gospel For The Miserably Married (Pt 1)

by Norma Neal Gause
What The Bible Really Says About Divorce and Remarriage
This study was made for all such Christians. G-d did not doom them to second class citzenship in the Church. He made a way out of bondage, hopelesness and guilt for them just as He did for all other types of sinners. Yet sometimes the church seems to teach that the gospel is good news to everyone who fails--except to those who fail at marriage.
We have acted as if Christ says to these men and women, "I came to make your burdens heavier and your bonds tighter," rather than, "I came to set the captives free and to give you my joy that you might have life and have it abundantly."
This careful examination of all pertinent scriptures will prove that G-d Himself insisted upon divorce as a way out of marriage in certain cases and that He insists upon the right of divorced people to remarry in every case, with one surprising exception--that of remarriage to the first spouse after the death of, or divorce from, a second spouse. You will know the reason for this strange command when you have finished reading this study. But, even if you should fall in this category you will discover that G-d does not condemn you; instead, He uses the principle implicit in the strange command to teach all of us-- who are willing to learn --a most wonderful truth.
A failed marriage with its loneliness and hardship is burden enough for anyone to bear without also having to bear condemnation and ostracism from his or her denomination or conscience, or from fellow Christians. How delighted the Church should be to discover what G-d really says about divorce! It will enable us to bear one another's burdens and will allow the wounded to receive solace from the saints. But more important, it will let the divorced person re-establish fellowship with a G-d who loves him or her as much as he loves married people, one who places no stigma on those who are divorced, nor on those who are remarried after having been divorced. G-d's word will establish and demonstrate these truths.
G-d Hates Divorce-- But Why?
Occasionally a Christian may hear a pastor say something like this: "Nancy, I wish you could teach in Sunday School, but because you've been divorced we can't let you," or "Bill, you would have mad a fine preacher; but, you may as well forget it-- since you've been divorced." Even more devastating to those in some denominations, they may hear apriest say, "If you are divorced, you cannot take communion again." How many lives have been robbed of the joy of Christian communion and service by such words! But just as tragic are the words, "No, I'm afraid you can't divorce your husband if he wants you to stay together, even if he is an alcoholic, won't support you, and is cruel to you and the children." But perhaps worst of all is the case of the remarried Christian who is advised that he or she is living in adultery as long as the first spouse is still living. Some Christians have heard this even though they were not saved until after their divorce and remarriage. What are the supposed to do? Abandon their present spouse and children-- or pray for the death of the first spouse? All of these are actual cases that I have met in my years of counseling.
Countless numbers of Christians are bound in tragic marriage situations because they have been told by pastors or well-meaning friends that a Christian has no choice but to "stick it out." Many women continue to live with men who violently abuse them or fail to provide for them, or refuse to sleep with them, or even worse, bring home sexually transmitted diseases to them. And all the time they are made to feel guilty and stricked because they are not winning their husbands by their "chaste conversation coupled with fear" (1 Peter 3:1,2).
Pastors and friends are quick to quote Peter's words, but they usually fail to mention Paul's warning: "Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave' the brother or sister is not in bondage in such cases, but G-d has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband?" Seldom does a man struggling to hold on to a hopeless marriage hear Paul's next statement: "Or how do yo know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?" (1 Cor. 7:15,16). In these verses Paul is speaking to believers whose unbelieving spouses want to leave them; he says, "Let them go," But, as we will see later, he also addresses the problem of the believer who wants to leave a marriage partner.
Many a woman clings in desperation to a cruel or drunken husband, thinking she has no alternative within G-d's will and assured that she can never marry again if she leaves him. And the same is true for many sincere, dedicated men who long with all their hearts who serve the Lord but cannot because of shrewish or alcoholic wives who despise their husband's faith and Christian profession.
Is this really what the Bible teaches on divorce, or have we mised something along the way? When we examine what the Bible actually says, instead of what men have said it says, we will discover that men have done G-d a terrible injustice.
It is true that G-d hates divorce. He says so unequivocally in the last book of the Old Testament: "I hate divorce," says the Lord, the G-d of
But do the same principles apply to Christians today? I think we will discover that they do; first we will look at what the Old Testament says about divorce. Then we will see what Jesus teaches; and finally we will examine Paul's instructions, comments and conclusions on the subject.
What God Says About Divorce Through The Life Of Moses
The case of Moses himself is instructive and suggests that G-d allows divorce when religious differences would prevent one of the spouses from serving G-d as He commands us to serve Him. When Moses' first wife, a Midianite womand named Zipporah, showed disgust and antipathy toward the Hebrew rite of circumcision which G-d had commanded, Moses divorced her. We discover this by comparing Exodus 4:24-26 with Exodus 18:2. The first passage is admittedly a most mysterious passage; nevertheless, it is clear enough that G-d wanted Moses to circumcise his son, and Zipporah had refused to allow it. So God sought to shed Moses' blood in the place of the son's. Zipporah hurriedly cuts off her son's foreskin and throws it ( margin "made it touch") at Moses' feet just in time to save his life as she screams, "You are a bridegroom of blood to me."
Apparently the son's salvation depended on Moses' obedience, and if the parents would not circumcise the son, G-d would take Moses' life in the place of the son's (perhaps the lesson for Christians is that we are responsible for teachin our children the way of salvation).
The next time we hear of Zipporah it is to learn in Exodus 18:2 that Moses has divorced her: "And Jethro, Moses father-in-law, took Moses' wife Zipporah, after he (Moses) had sent her away..." The phrase "sent her away" is the same expresssion translated "divorce" in Malachi
It appears that Jethro has brought Zipporah and her two sons back to Moses to try to effect a reconciliation. But the attempt must have failed, for the chapter ends with Moses sending off his father-in-law (Exodus 18:5,6 &27, margin), and that is the last we ever hear of either Jethro of Zipporah. In a later passage (Numbers 12:1) we discover that Moses has remarried: "Then Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Cushite (Ethiopian) woman whom he had married (for he had married a Cushite woman)." There is no evidence that G-d ever reprimanded Moses for divorcing his first wife. And He obviously did not disapprove of Moses having married again, for He punished Mirriam with leprosy for speaking against Moses' second marriage (Numbers 12:9,10).
These passages clearly imply that because Zipporah did not join Moses in the worship of Jehova, in fact despised his religion, Moses "sent her away." Then he married another woman. G-d seems to have approved; at any rate, He heartily disapproved of the criticism aimed at Moses for his choice of a second wife (which criticism, as indicated by verses two throughnine, was mixed with jealousy).
In the book of Ezra chapter 10, 112 men are named who were required to send away their pagan spouses just as Moses sent Zipporah away. We will refer to that sorrowful event again (by way of contrast) when we look at Paul's teaching on divorce.
Divorce in the Law of Moses
The first command concerning divorce is found in Exodus 21:7-11. It has to do with a female slave whom a man has bought as a wife for himself or his son. If he grows tired of her and wants to be rid of her, he cannot simply turn her out to go free, as he could a male slave. Verse eight says, "If she is displeasing in the eyes of her master who designated her for himself, then he shall let her be redeemed. He does not have authority to sell her to a foreign people because of his dealing treacherously" (margin).He must let her be redeemed (brought back), for G-d does not want the girl to have to live with a man who might be cruel to her because he no longer desires her. Furthermore, if her father cannot or will not redeem her (pay back the purchase price or dowry), and the man takes another woman, he must not cut down on the food, clothes or conjugal rights of the girl he tired of. Verse eleven says, "And if he will not do these three things for her, then she shall go out for nothing, without payment of money." That is to say, if a man fails to provide sufficient food, clothing or sexual relations, the unwanted wife is free to return to her in order to remain a bona fide marriage, conjugal rights must be maintained along with sufficient food and clothing. And, although the man is commanded to let her go even without the return of her purchase price, he must give her a divorce certificate, as we will discover (in the third reference to divorce).
The second command concerning divorce is found in Deuteronomy 21:10-14. Here G-d is dealing with women captured in war. If a man sees one he desires and takes her as a wife and then is not pleased with her, G-d says to that man: "You shall let her go wherever she wishes; but you shall certainly not sell her for money, you shall not mistreat her, because you have humbled her." If G-d cared for the welfare and the happiness of wives taken as captives in war, does He not have at least the same care for His own daughters who today may be in bondage to men who neglect or abuse them, or have simply grown tired of them? Surely G-d would say, "You shall let her go wherever she wishes." That, as you will see in the next reference, requires him to put a divorce certificate in her hand.
The third scripture that deals with divorce, Deuteronomy 24:1-4, teaches some startling things. First it teaches that a man may divorce his wife because he has become displeased with her over some indecency he thinks he has found in her. Why would G-d allow divorce on such broad and general grounds? Again it can only be because He wants no woman to have to live with a man who finds her presence so objectionable be doesn't want her around. Neither does He want any woman to have to resort to prostitution or to be stoned for adultery, for it is in this passage that we find that the unwanted wife is to be sent forthe with a certificate of divorce in her hand. The only purpose for a divorce certificate is to prove that she is fee to marry; if she were to try to remarry without the divorce certificate she would be stoned to death for adultery. Without a husband or father to provide for her she would be forced into prostitution in order to buy food for herself (there were no jobs available for women then-- not even as waitresses or secretaries). The hardship for a woman sent away without the possibility of remarrying is difficult to imaging. But isn't the same true today? Women who are unloved-- abandoned, or sent away-- whose church refuses them the right to remarry, are in the same plight abandoned slave women would have been if they could not have remarried. It begins to look as if our G-d is far more compassionate than men are.




